numb: quietirony — LiveJournal

I feel numb. Apathetic, bored and not caring; I used to ride an emotional rollercoaster. With exhilarating highs and debilitating lows, my life was always tumultuous but I really and truly felt alive. Lately, I've been feeling more of nothing then anything else. Perhaps this isn't a bad thing, I don't think the emotions I'd be feeling right now would be anything close to glorious right now and they'd certainly be overwhelming, but at least the pain would remind me that I'm alive and that my heart is still beating. To fall in love so deeply with Elaine only to realize that it all means nothing to her now is suffocating. The last time I talked to her, all she kept saying is how she doesn't understand how she dated me for so long, how I was some sort of silly little phase in her life. Like veganism or dying your hair. She lamented how it always used to bother her so much how I wasn't taller. How we would've looked better together if I had been. The same thing April told me in high-school when I asked her out. Are people really this superficial? Is this what humanity looks like?